In the Middle of nowhere

In the Middle of nowhere*, you don’t need much. Bringing your true self is enough. This might be hard for some people, but when your soul finds its peace next to someone, bringing your sincere self is easy. In the middle of nowhere, self-disclosure never hurts, it never makes you feel uncomfortable or embarassed. All your flaws and insecurities make you feel special, accomplished.

There is a great reason why majority of our relationships are superficial and kind of role-playing. The reason is increasing the value of all those different ones, with the people you’d go to the middle of nowhere with. Middle of nowhere is not a bubble, it’s not a place you go to, stay there for a little while, and then go back to real life. It’s a place you never really leave, a place you carry around in your soul. I’ve been there, I am there, I fell in love right there.

After spending time together in this happy place, goodbyes stop existing. Maybe it will not workout, maybe you will never see this person again. However, the moment of pure sincerety and devotion damages you forever. Today I left Middle of nowhere and went through my easiest goodbye ever. It was more like see you in my dreams, think of you later, kiss you in 37 days. No tears needed, because I trust you. I didn’t choose to feel all these things I feel, but I do choose to trust you.

Life will give you your Middle of nowhere when you need it. Not when you want it, but when you need it. In my case, I thought I’ve been through enough to know what I really want. Now I know that I didn’t and I don’t. And most of all, I learned in love it is never about want. Starting a relationship with “want” or “deserve”, is dangerous. For me, it became more and more about “Can” – what can we build, where can we go, how can we grow.

It is no longer about giving and recieving, thinking about a relationship as a marketplace – is he the best I can get, am I the best I can be? It’s about building pillars on sincerety and devotion. And appreciation of vulnerability, which is a very beautiful thing if we know how to work with it.

In the middle of nowhere, you are no longer able to protect yourself. There is no way of walking away, building a wall of defense machanisms and go on with your life. It’s too late for that. Now it’s time to be brave enough to jump and fall as deep as you can, embracing what life gave to you. It comes with a great fear, but it feels damn good.

*Middle of nowhere = at first, it might be a place (mine is in Poland, literally in the middle of nowhere), but with time and care, it becomes a feeling. For me, it feels warm. The color of hapiness in the Middle of nowhere is autumn green.

 

Love, E.

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